I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize