God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
