I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
