I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
