found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
