she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
