Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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