dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
