Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
