I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Shame - the story of my life.
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