I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
