just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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