I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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