Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
