Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
