i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
