Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
