She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
