you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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