Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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