He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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