U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
This girl is more easily done than said...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
