omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
