She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
