His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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