Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Pooping to opera.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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