Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
