Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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