i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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