so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hippo gnu deer
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
