Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
