I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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