I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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