I hope mine doesn't look like that
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
