I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
