he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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