I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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