I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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