id be glad to
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
