That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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