I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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