be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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