My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My penis needs a shock collar
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
