that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
