thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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