we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just googled if crying burns calories
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
