Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
