I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
