: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The air was thick with penises
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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