you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
