Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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