Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
