we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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