His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
