He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
