if i died would you start the facebook group?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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