Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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