hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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