sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
