You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
