Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
