somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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