Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
