R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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