I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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