I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
