I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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