She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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