if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
