running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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