Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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