You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
