God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
