You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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