I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
