he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
