Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
