Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize