im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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