Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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