I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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