I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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