So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
