So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
