I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize