what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
