i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
