your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
