Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
