i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
