Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
