i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
