My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
