I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
