That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
