4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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