is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
