He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
