im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I could make wine with my vomit
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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