Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
