remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
