If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
