I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize