I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize