he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
