my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
