I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize