i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
