dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
