and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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