dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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